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Rethinking Independence -Reflections from the Heart of the Work: Connection, Growth, and Being Human

Between Us:  A quiet place to reflect

Peaceful and contemplative reflection of a window

Rethinking Independence. 


I’m sitting on the floor of my tiny bedroom, knees pulled to my chest. The wall behind me is cold. My cheeks are sticky from dried tears. I haven’t moved in hours.

I keep looking at the ring he gave me, a promise of a future together. I turn it over in my fingers. Slipping it on, then off. On, then off. As if doing this might help me understand how we went from forever to nothing.

The sweatshirt he left behind smells like him. There are pictures of us smiling on my bulletin board. He’s gone. It’s over.

I don’t know who I am without him. I thought love meant giving myself away. I didn’t realize that in trying to hold onto the relationship, I was slowly letting go of me. I believed I was being a good partner, when really, I was abandoning myself. I stop going out with my friends. I skip my morning runs, even though being outside clears my head. I stop calling my best friend back, afraid it will take time and attention away from him. I say yes when I mean no. I smile when I feel small. Each time I do these things, I ignore a part of myself. I tell myself I’m being loving. I don’t realize I’m slowly disappearing.

Now, the silence is deafening. The ache in my chest makes it hard to breathe. I keep trying to figure out what I did wrong. The truth is, I give so much of myself away that there’s barely anything left to hold. Not just heartbroken. Erased.

This experience begins a new understanding: True connection doesn’t ask me to disappear. It invites me to show up fully, rooted in who I am, while staying open to who the other person is. It’s not codependence or rigid independence. It’s something in between: interdependence.

People often say they feel suffocated in their relationships. They need space. Sometimes, it isn’t about the partner. It’s a pattern, a belief formed long ago, when closeness meant losing yourself.

The truth is, unconsciously, we tend to find people who eventually activate our old wounds. It’s not a failure, it’s an invitation. After the honeymoon phase fades, those irritating traits we want to run from are often the very mirror we need in order to heal.

The kind of relational health we work toward in Coupleships and Individuals Re-Imagined is not about managing symptoms. It’s about getting to the root cause. It’s about building a relationship that reflects the life you actually want to live, not the one you’ve been tolerating.

Here’s the thing: Real change doesn’t happen overnight. It unfolds over time, like a flower bulb becoming a tulip, or an acorn growing into an oak. It takes time, and it is sacred.

It begins with how we think, what we say to ourselves, and what we practice believing is possible.



Highlights from the Field


What I Witnessed Last Week:


“I finally feel understood and safe in this relationship.  It’s been many years since I felt this.  I wish we had done this program sooner.”

I worked with a couple during a recent Coupleship Re-Imagined session, and one partner spent years shaping herself around others, always agreeable and accommodating. She’s been praised for it, even admired. She’s exhausted. She was filled with resentment. She was angry, very very angry. 

What unfolded during our time together wasn’t loud or dramatic. It was slow and steady. She began to hear her own voice again, not in rebellion, but in a tentative, quiet truth. He listened, not with defensiveness, which was possible because he no longer took it personally.  He was getting her world.


Whether you are doing the Coupleships or Individuals Re-Imagined program, this is what the work is about. Reclaiming your authentic self while staying connected, with care, to yourself and the other. Getting clear on who you are so you can speak with honesty and kindness.


Possibilities in Practice

Try This: Mindset as a Practice of FreedomYou get to decide where you focus.


What you focus on grows.

Try this 5-minute reflection:

  • Choose 3 words you want to embody in your relationship right now. (Examples: Calm. Connected. Brave.)

  • Turn them into “I am” statements. For example: “I am calm. I am connected. I am brave.”

  • Write them down and say them out loud every day, especially when doubt creeps in.


Why? Because your brain is always working to prove you right. If you say, “I’ll never change,” it’ll look for proof. If you say, “I am learning a new way,” it’ll look for that too.Freedom begins with awareness and grows with intention and practice.  Practice it daily for a week and notice what begins to shift.


What’s Coming 

Now Booking for Fall 2025 + a Special Winter Offering 

Whether you're navigating disconnection as a couple or feeling the weight of “losing yourself” as an individual, we are here for you.


  • Coupleships Re-Imagined (immersion intensives): Booking September–November

  • Individuals Re-Imagined: Immersions designed to help you reclaim voice, value, and vision: Sessions currently available

  • Connecting Conversations at Lilley Mansion: Small group workshops will return in early 2026, just in time for Valentine’s Day and the season of love.


If you’ve been waiting for the right time, this might be your invitation.


To explore options, visit www.cup-health.com or contact






With care and connection,

Amy


Creating Possibilities

MSW | CUP-Health



A Thought to Ponder


“Real freedom begins when we stop abandoning ourselves. When we show up with honesty, care, and courage, something new becomes possible.”


Let’s Stay in Touch

  • Follow us on social media for quick tips, reflections, videos, and more ways to stay connected on this journey.

  • Visit our website for more information.


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 ©2025 CUP-Health

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